EDIT: please if you can, also share your thoughts in this forum post, thank you:
forum.deviantart.com/devart/ge…thanks everyone who commented so far! you guys are awesome! I appreciate your support SO much, I can't even describe it.
/ENDOFEDIT
***
Umm I'm not sure if anyone will actually read this but I need to take it out of myself and maybe any of people who care will be able to help me or kick my ass or something....
I have no idea what's with me right now. I feel confused.
I will talk here mostly art wise because other things in life well.... life is life and that's a different thing. life sucks anyway.
I wanna talk about art things right now.
I don't know where I am right now. art-wise.
Not that I am not improving. Well I am not, but that's not the worst thing.
The thing is... that most of the time (90%) I am happy with my art. I love doing chibis, adoptables, cute and sexy girls, and I am really happy with that. my art gives me SO much happiness that I can't even describe that.
But sometimes I just think that I'm really terrible at what I do. like VERY terrible. not average (which is my art) but below that.
I don't know, in one while I'm super happy about my art and in another I'm so depressed about how bad I am.
I think this happens to everyone now and then...
I have almost 3,5 k watchers, which I am grateful about, but sadly only arround 5% of them are active watchers/ friends of mine.
To be honest, those 5% mean a lot to me and I wouldn't be where I am without you, guys, I'm sure you know that I'm talking to you, my dear friends and supporters. I am sincerely grateful for your support and friendship
but... where is the rest? I know that I'm not even good at art... but I try my best...
Many times I thought about changing account to a new one. but not sure if even those 5 % would follow me....
But I am afraid to loose all what I have on this account. Everyone, everything.
I am too bond to this account, it took a huge part of my life, almost 8 years, wow that's a lot.
I would love to start fresh but I am so much bond to this account...
I should have done this long time ago when I first had such thoughts, at this point I would be so much bond to my new account, lol.
Another huge problem for me is my username. I'm known everywhere as izka197
I would have to change everything to a new name, but I also have no freaking idea wha name could I use, I had this one since forever....
But I am probably too afraid and too bond to make a new account, I'm afraid it wouldn't work at all and I would feel even worse.
I don't want to stop art oh no! I am also not drawing to please anyone, I am doing what I want, what I love and what I prefer. I am doing art mainly for myself, but it's nice to know if someone likes my crappy stuff...
I don't know.. maybe I should get a tablet maybe this will help me improve, I am probably stuck because of using my mouse techniques all the time since years.
but I don't really think that is the main problem... the main problem is me complaning... blah blah blah..
plus I can't sleep and I feel ill and terrible and everything is just.... not like I want it to be. why things can't be at least a bit how we want them to be....