hello everyone!
thank you all for answering my questions and commenting under my journal, forum and in general talking to me while I'm having hard time
I also would like to say that I am super grateful for the support in all those years I've been here, thank you from the bottom of my heart!
I don't really want to write an essay here, so if you want to talk to me or ask why or something, just note me (on my new account please) and I will happily talk or answer any questions you might have
So my new account will be pretty easy to remember, just add the -
izka-197
I didn't have any better idea, so for now it must do.
it's empty and pretty sad right now, but it will be full of happiness soon, I promise just give me a while to feel better and mangage some things ><
I'm planning to submit new art hopefully tomorrow, probably not today since I might not have time to finish, but we shall see.
I will also open a new contest on my new account soon!
I won't delete this account or any art on here. I will also not move art to a new account, I will submit new art there.
I will only contact commissioners and ask where they want their commissions submitted, here or there.
so if there will be any new submissions here, these will be commissions, but not sure yet (to be discussed)

anyway, I sincerely hope I made a good decision, and I know it will be hard, but I can do it, really! I believe in myself, hope you do, too

Thank you for any support that you gave me so far, and thank you even more for the support some of you might give me. it means a whole lot to me, thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Hope you will understand my decision, but I also am aware some of you will probably think it's a bad idea, but I respect your opinion, and also please respect mine!

thank you all again, hope to see you soon

and for now: bye!

EDIT: please if you can, also share your thoughts in this forum post, thank you: forum.deviantart.com/devart/ge…
thanks everyone who commented so far! you guys are awesome! I appreciate your support SO much, I can't even describe it.
/ENDOFEDIT
***

Umm I'm not sure if anyone will actually read this but I need to take it out of myself and maybe any of people who care will be able to help me or kick my ass or something....

I have no idea what's with me right now. I feel confused.
I will talk here mostly art wise because other things in life well.... life is life and that's a different thing. life sucks anyway.
I wanna talk about art things right now.
I don't know where I am right now. art-wise.
Not that I am not improving. Well I am not, but that's not the worst thing.
The thing is... that most of the time (90%) I am happy with my art. I love doing chibis, adoptables, cute and sexy girls, and I am really happy with that. my art gives me SO much happiness that I can't even describe that.
But sometimes I just think that I'm really terrible at what I do. like VERY terrible. not average (which is my art) but below that.
I don't know, in one while I'm super happy about my art and in another I'm so depressed about how bad I am.
I think this happens to everyone now and then...

I have almost 3,5 k watchers, which I am grateful about, but sadly only arround 5% of them are active watchers/ friends of mine.
To be honest, those 5% mean a lot to me and I wouldn't be where I am without you, guys, I'm sure you know that I'm talking to you, my dear friends and supporters. I am sincerely grateful for your support and friendship
but... where is the rest? I know that I'm not even good at art... but I try my best...

Many times I thought about changing account to a new one. but not sure if even those 5 % would follow me....
But I am afraid to loose all what I have on this account. Everyone, everything.
I am too bond to this account, it took a huge part of my life, almost 8 years, wow that's a lot.
I would love to start fresh but I am so much bond to this account...
I should have done this long time ago when I first had such thoughts, at this point I would be so much bond to my new account, lol.
Another huge problem for me is my username. I'm known everywhere as izka197 I would have to change everything to a new name, but I also have no freaking idea wha name could I use, I had this one since forever....

But I am probably too afraid and too bond to make a new account, I'm afraid it wouldn't work at all and I would feel even worse.

I don't want to stop art oh no! I am also not drawing to please anyone, I am doing what I want, what I love and what I prefer. I am doing art mainly for myself, but it's nice to know if someone likes my crappy stuff...
I don't know.. maybe I should get a tablet maybe this will help me improve, I am probably stuck because of using my mouse techniques all the time since years.
but I don't really think that is the main problem... the main problem is me complaning... blah blah blah..

plus I can't sleep and I feel ill and terrible and everything is just.... not like I want it to be. why things can't be at least a bit how we want them to be....